my social life has no pulse

Man, i need to find more to do on friday nights!

I started third shift this week, and it went well, except for the fact that I can't sleep right now. I'm normally working. So, I might be keeping this schedule through the weekends! Yuk!!!!!!!!

I have a lot going on now, and it'll just changed in a week. It's taken one week to have a whoe new dynamic in my life. I'm going through the end of summer softball to the start of fall softball. Not so big of a deal, just different days I play softball.
More importantly the switching to 3rd shift and the starting of classes. It's a change, i don't know if it's for the best yet. I mean yeah, going to school is good. Aslong as I kick schools ass. That will be a true test of my mettle. not necessarily because I think a college degree is the ultimate pinnacle, but more to test myself and see if I can really apply myself. Because that is what is holding me back. That is what is stopping me from achieving something great. I need to work my way through this, and if I do, i'll make something happen. Because I'll have a tool i didn't before. I just hope that i can acquire other tools along the way.
I also kind of fell into a pipe band, which will be good, i hope. I wanted to check things out and there I was just piping away with them. Couldn't really keep up with them. but it's good to be back. and this way I'll be playing more regularly. if only i could find a place to practice. NObody like listening to a bagpiper practice.
so i get a lot of time to think on 3rd shift, no one really comes around, i got the stereo playing and i just work. and the more I think about it, and the more i ask myself "what's my purpose? or what am I doing with my life" I don't really come up with anything solid. Slightly depressing. How can it be i can't make that leap into something spectacular? And it seems while I"m looking for that dare to be great situation, i should be slowly building a solid foundation to spring off of, instead of waiting for something to happen. What is that foundation, well most definitely education. College helps, that kind of knowledge is respected in this world. But also education in the human dynamic. I really could learn to do that better. THere seems to be so much knowledge so many conversations I seem to miss because I don't let myself open up. Or maybe I don't know how. and there's the ambiguity. i can't identify the problem, so how can I correct it. am I going to run around constantly not finding the problem, am i doing it because I don't want to find it. don't want to fix it? shirking responsibility. see, i just come up with more questions and less answers. I want to force myself into something. I want to get to where I want to be, without really knowing where that's going. And it doesn't help I let my surroundings dictate my future. that's probably the hardest. I can't separate from my surroundings. I let them dictate my limitations. i talk and I talk about changing. well, i make a good sequel, to be continued...


too tired to check for spelling mistakes, let me know where I goofed!