Insomnimaniac!

I definitely don't like to sleep. You miss stuff when you sleep, even if it's only really bad television! Believe me, I know. Closing at Taco Bell has gotten me all out of whack. I pretty much am awake from 4pm-8am and sleep 8am-4pm. I've taken a new liking to MTV and VH1. Not so much because I think they are good, but I think seeing the visualization of an artist's songs allows more insight into what they are trying to convey. And they do like to hire some fine women for the music videos.

But that is neither here nor there

PPG starts Tuesday! Good old 1.5 hour shift from what I understand. What the crap? I'm trying to avoid working at Taco Bell more, but at this rate, I won't be done until January 27th, 2006

My current thoughts are on entertainment and recreation. I would say, I definitely am not the bar type. Hmmm, crowded bar type. I like low-key bars where you can talk without yelling, maybe some pool, darts, all of that. None of this bodysurfing to get to the bathroom
But to have a good time it's all about people, but you also need stuff to do.
Tonight I hung out with Kate, Tom, Brian, and Kathryn, and that was awesome!
I matched Brian shot for shot (kind of a random part of the night)
We watched t.v., played euchre, and cranium.
That is a great night in my book
yes I know i"m a nerd
I also know doing that every friday will get old.
I've tried Friday! Magazine, thinking all that
I just am not good at finding alternative forms of entertainment.
That needs to be improved

I don't know if this is the same for every job
But at Taco Bell, the closers get screwed. They have to pick up for all the slack from the day and work around problems that day and mid shifts don't deal with. And it's often the case where people scheduled to work later that night get called in earlier to fill in for missing people. And they get to leave earlier, but the other hours are never covered. sorry, rant

This weekend should be good. Softball (doubtful) this morning, Browns game sunday. And that's all I got planned. But also the exciting thing is a push for a basketball team in lakewood rec. Me and Steve are working on getting it together. We just need to find 10 guys (i guess 8 now) to play. That has to come together by monday otherwise i'll have to find other forms of entertainment. Steve also talked about coaching a basketball team for grade school. He is suppose to be looking into that cause he has the connections. I hope that actually works out.

I need a hair cut.

John, a good buddy of mine, is working at BG, and is considering a job with the DOD, but that's only if he gets it. HE led me to believe he has a good chance, but the government is slow and deliberate. It'll move him back to the are which would be cool. He's been my co-manager or assistant manager for softball. He was a big reason we had a team the first year. So it's not really the same not having him in the area. I'm hoping he gets and takes this job!

IF you are not sure where to go next in your life, look into AmeriCorps*NCCC. IT's a great program that allows you to travel and do community service. I loved my 10 months on the west coast, and hope to live in Portland, Seattle, or Boise for some part of my life because of it. It's annoyign at times, but isn't everything? And I've made a lot of lifetime friends because of it. I just wish I got to see them more!

That's what I could streamline from my brain. I hope you're all dreaming good dreams

Motivation to Become who I want to

Looking at my last week or so, i'd say I haven't really changed anything in my routine. And maybe did even less of what I said I did. But the good thing is, I was picking up more hours at taco bell. The hard part for me though is my sleep schedule is so out of whack, i can't get into a routine. That would help a lot! We'll see what happens when the new job starts.

A family friend past away, and I get the honor of playing the bagpipes at her funeral. I am just out of practice and do not want to mess up. This lady had an extremely difficult battle with cancer, and she did a wonderful job persevering through the pain. It is sad to see her pass, but she fought while she could.

How does one become the person they want to become? I've found life leaves to many open-ended choices, and the right path is not always easily discernible. It would help if I was a bit more sure of my self and convictions, but I'm not. And I'm generally not a strong-willed person. So if I feel I need to be more strong willed, how do I go about doing that?
This is where I always ask myself if it's genetic. Something unalterable, and I'll always have the same temperament and disposition. I like to think that I won't, because there are traits/character flaws I hope to change. Work in Progress!

I need to get out of Taco Bell! I need to get involved in more sports! Indoor softball might be a possibility! Other then that I've been doing a little guitar playing, more bagpiping, and a lot of t.v. watching. Cable is a good distractor. Too good! Must cut back.

Those are my random thoughts, i'll put more out there

So I was told that my blog has a rather somber tone. And I would agree, i definitely tend to vent or use it as an outlet for what I don't like.

Life is 80% attitude. You can take a lot of shit if you know how to digest it, but the most important thing is really looking for the good in situations. Something I do not do enough of. I have a rathersomber outlook on my life, and there isn't any reason to. I am just focusing on the wrong aspects of my life, and because of that it perpetuates my negative outlook. My team leader in AmeriCorps, she has an insane outlook on life, the most positive person i've ever met. And I could never be that positive, but she handles what life throws at her, and she definitely has done some sweet stuff. Here positive attitude helps her lead thel ife she wants to be living, and that I respect.

I would say that I am not leading the life I want to be living, and I can attribute that mostly to my attitude. Because I've always had potential. I just haven't translated that into the success I am looking for. It's a growing process. I can't instantly change my attitude and make everything perfect with a snap of my fingers. But focusing on interpretting life differently will definitely be huge steps to achieving what I want to.

So on with the good:

We celebrated Tom's 28th birthday at the apartment on Friday, and that was a great party. I got to hang out with a lot of cool people, and we al enjoyed ourselves. We had over 20 people in the apartment at one point. THomas and I worked our asses off to clean up and getting enough seating. Thanks to Terry for letting us borrow his moving van!

I just was hired by PPG as a Colorist specialist lab techinician. It sounds fancier than it is, but it pays pretty well, and it will afford me opportunities I woulnd't receive if I stayed at Taco Bell. I also have heard rave reviews about the company. And from my experience, Taco Bell treats it's upper management crappy. So, not going that route is something to get excited about.
I pseudo-celebrated with a fancy dinner at Pier W. Erin, Thomas, and Kate joined me and Stephen was our server. It was a very good evening, and the food was fantastic. It's expensive, but definitely worth it (every once in a while) I would recommend Pier W to anyone.

Softball is my drug. I could live without softball, but why do I have to. It makes me so happy, and I derive so much happiness and joy from playing the game and hanging out with my team. I hope my body holds up long enough for me to play anohter 20-40 years. I seriously see myself as one of the 60 year olds on the mound still playing for the love the game. My body will dictate how long my softball career is!

And now that i have a better idea of what I'll be doing for a while and not so much in fluxx, i can start to focus on the little things, and find more activities that i can enjoy and work on improving myself.

More to come

Blogs are hard to maintain, I think the hardest part about it is the process of deciding to write one. I was initially skeptical. Then I decided to go with it, but writing inspired pieces of writing is pretty difficult. But i tried, and the sad part is, realizing that maybe your life isn't as interesting as you thought it might be. WEll, atleast, no one is going to write a book about it. I enjoy writing good blogs, but i think i like the more off the wall ones like where i talked about my favorite clothes. As opposed to just kind of talking about daily happenings. or atleast a decent mix of both. But we'll see how this blog thing continues, if you have any good ideas let me know

I was watching poker today and it is great. Everyone thinks they can play poker, including myself. And the truth is, they are right. Learning to play the percentages will be the biggest help! That is the basics. The hard part is not overreacting to tough losses or wins and keeping emotions in check. And also reading other people. I think I find myself ready to throw more chips into a pot after i've just won/lost big, and that's not a good idea because that's no good judgment, it's playing on emotion, that'll get me in trouble. Reading people is a huge advantage. One I need to work on. The one thing about playing with friends is you are more likely to read them better. But in the end everybody needs luck. You just have to put yourself in a position to minimize your reliance on luck. So, anyone up for some poker??

We played solid softball last night, defeating a team that really should have lost. We won handily 16-5. WE played well defensively and offensively, but the best news is that our offense is picking up, people are hitting sharper line drives, waiting on pitches, and making good contact. AS long as we can keep this up consistently, we'll be competitive in this league. Which is exciting! We don't have the most talent in the league, but we are a above average team with a chance to beat anybody. We'll see how it plays out! Go Harry Buffalo!

And that's all I got!

Working 3rd shift is ridiculous. I can never sleep at night, and do nothing all day. It really is not fun sitting around waiting to get tired. Maybe if I were on a more set schedule that would make it more manageable, but right now i'm in fluxx (the extra 'x' is an inside joke, hope you get it) And I feel like because I'm not in a set schedule, i can't do anything worthwhile. Which is my biggest mistake. I feel like I need a routine, then I can start doing stuff, like running, or practicing the bagpipes, or playing pick-up games of basketball.
But if I can't do it, when my time more available to me, why would I do it then. And once I get this routine, I know I am going to start to feel trapped. Like my i have no control over my schedule. And I'll went less demands on my time. It really is flawed thinking; and I need to be able to take time to do stuff I think is important or has value. Here's a list of stuff I'd like to do

a) play softball (yay fallball!)
b) exercise , lifting weights, runnings
c) practice the bagpipes /it's hard though because it can be annoying to people
d) play basketball/football/tennis/cricket??/racquetball or anyother sport for some variety
e) read more, I need good books to read!!
f) learn stuff, expand my mind, broaden my horizens
g) learn the guitar.

This are what i want to do, and I have the free time to do it, but I don't do a good job at fitting them into my schedule. Which is sad, because I think i would be a happier person, if I successfully complete those tasks on a daily/weekly basis. So, why do I find it easier to not pursue these. HOw much does laziness play into this all. And where can I get that push to go with something and continue with it, instead of letting it fizzle??? What do I do?? That's my speculation, i think i like leaving stuff open ended so I can get feedback!

Have a great night everybody!

Upheaval:

It's official, I am Tom's new roommate. Which is definitely exciting for me, i'm guessing he's cool with it. But it's definitely good to be out of the house. The focus now is going to be working as many hours as possible for the BRowns and Taco Bell and find a steady job. It's hard to only be called on in emergency situations, but I'm definitely willing to do it.
I moved most of my stuff today. So it's happening, no going back! We'll see how this little adventure works. It's good though because i'm on my own, tom has someone helping with rent, my dad is retiring and will around more, and I'll be out of my parents hair.

I don't really have much insight other than that to add. But definitely, if you are in the area, come hang!